did you get engaged???
Someone shit on the floor
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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