Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
