My underwear smells like fireworks.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
His nipple licking is glorious
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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