Duck Duck Cougar?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
