make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
