Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
