Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
