Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
