new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
