I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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