i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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