Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
