i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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