so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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