I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
