But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
