whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
