I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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