He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
