I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
