party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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