Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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