Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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