Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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