I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
40s are totally the cure
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
