Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
