I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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