does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
