I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
