Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize