How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
