I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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