I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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