the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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