That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
