Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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