She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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