i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
