Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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