I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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