So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize