Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
