Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
