Someone shit on the floor
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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