1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
