I think i peed on brittanys purse
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Drunk is not a location!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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