I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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