Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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