I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
