It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
