And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
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