And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
