literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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