I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
