my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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