Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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