so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I think a kid would responsible me up
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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