You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
