Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
