you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
