Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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