if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
