evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Randomize
