You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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